Meet Andrew!

Ok, so the title of this post is probably a little strange... considering Andrew is 4 years old and you all know him already. But most of you don't KNOW him, know him. We've been struggling for about a year now with a lot of social/emotional/behavioral issues. A couple of years ago we thought, "wow, we've blown it with this kid" and had tried (to what seems like no avail) to "fix" him with discipline. Over this last year+ of watching Lincoln develop we realized that Andrew's issues are not a result of our bad parenting. We've always had a sense that something was just different with him. Well, this week we were reassured (by a professional) that we are not crazy nor should we receive the "Worst Parents of the Year" award. WHEWWW!!!!!

So what exactly does all that mean? The shortest, easiest way to explain the medical, professional side of this is...

He has some traits of autism and some traits of ADD, not enough to diagnose him with either one. We will go back to the developmental pediatrician in a couple of months for another evaluation. Andrew will be starting preschool in less than 2 weeks. So it is our hope that we will have more insight into those traits after being in school for a little while. In addition, we will also have his teacher's observations.

So who is Andrew...

a lot of energy!

doesn't adapt to change well.

likes a rigid routine.

likes familiarity.

uncomfortable with large groups of people,

especially ones he doesn't know.

enjoys alone time.

isn't affectionate.

isn't empathetic.

can't express emotion properly.

eats a very limited menu.

That list just comes off the top of my head. Can you imagine how this affects our family and daily life? Probably not, unless you have been in a similar situation.

So let's look at a "typical" day...

Breakfast=Cereal. The same cereal he eats every day. And he has to sit in the same spot.

Getting dressed can be too overwhelming to chose or make sure it's weather appropriate. Early summer still requires long pants because shorts are too uncomfortable, he will constantly pull at them but eventually realizes how uncomfortable it is to where pants when it's so hot.

He LOVES movies and has to watch them from the VERY beginning (including previews, warnings, etc). If he can't watch the entire thing it HAS to be paused so he can finish it as soon as we get home or get done eating or whatever the reason is. He will watch movies, often times the same movie over and over, all day long if you let him.

When going somewhere like Walmart, he has to know where we are going, what we are going to get, what HE can get... and if he sees something HE thinks we NEED then we better get or he will continue to be very adamant about getting it, and not in a normal way that he will eventually get over when he sees something else... but he will OBSESS about it.

So let's say that obsessive little temper tantrum happens until we are in line, being stared at, and FINALLY make back to the car. He will continue in this fit and probably fall asleep on the way home... which is great for the moment.
So on to the next dilema... wake him up? so he can pick up EXACTLY where he left off when he fell asleep or let him sleep in the car, which means I stay in the car............

Lunch=PB&J, almost everyday. sometimes chicken nuggets (the only meat he will eat)

Nap? not anymore!

We have to go pick up kids from school which means going early to get a parking spot closer to the door. We DO NOT go in, the kids come to us. But Andrew isn't content just waiting in the car. Because he has NO FEAR WHATSOEVER he will run off around the corner of the building where I can't see him, if I let him out. Keep in mind I also have either been pregnant or had Lincoln with me... and add another baby soon?!!! So I try to entertain him in the car for 15ish minutes.

Dinner. Make that 2 dinners. Andrew eats a VERY limited menu. Most nights he eats mac n cheese, PB&J, or cereal. It's not that he's spoiled or we haven't tried... he has gone almost 2 entire days without eating when we have let this become a battle. And our other kids (including Lincoln) eat a variety... even fish and spinach!

Evening.... one word... ROUTINE! Or there will be a huge, long process to get him to go to sleep.

But once he is asleep... he is asleep!!!! If, however, he has a fit (kind of like the walmart thing) before bed, he will wake up upset about that same thing still.

Sundays and church have been our biggest clue as to the traits he has that involve other people and structure and routine. He has been known to run away from the gym where ALL the kids are playing, and go back to HIS room, ALONE. If he is in a new room or has new teachers or has a lot of new kids he doesn't know... he will hide under a bench and not participate. He may also sit and play by himself.

He really has a hard time with emotions. He is either fine or upset, there isn't a whole lot of gray area there for a range of emotions.

So this is just a peek...just the big, major stuff. We have learned how to stop a lot of it before it gets started. Now we are coaching Sydni and Davis. It has been a LONG & HARD summer to say the least!!! It is exhausting!

I always think about THAT mom in Walmart that has the bratty kid that throws a fit through the ENTIRE store... maybe she was just doing what she had to do and just maybe her kid wasn't bratty after all. It has been a long couple of years of struggling with the LOOKS and comments... and I think we are finally over it. We know that it is not best to keep Andrew home, sheltered. And we know that he is going to have bad days. But we also have things that need to get done.

So if you happen to see us at Walmart or church or the park or a family reunion... meet Andrew all over again, knowing a little more now, and appreciate the sweet boy that he is!